Here's another one of those "deep thought posts."
After yesterday's events, I was back into my deep thought mode that could probably rival a philosopher's. Between thinking and listening to music, my eyes started to open just a bit. They opened to something that some of my closest friends, and I think even family, have been trying to get me to see for quite some time. Something that I'll easily admit is hard for me to change based on the person I am, and I really don't know if it's a bad thing or not.
I fail to be selfish, and worry too much about others.
Now, all my friends know that I'd do whatever to help them, and I guess that's why some people claim I'm a "nice guy." But maybe, just maybe, I'm playing the helpful hand card too much. Maybe I'm too nice. Maybe I'm too willing help others when I should be helping myself. Maybe I'm too involved in how others might perceive me. Maybe...just maybe...I'm too selfless instead of being selfish.
I mean, I guess that's not too bad. Is it? Okay, maybe it is..
The fact of the matter is this: I should probably spend more time on focusing on what makes me happy. The problem is I don't know how to do that in a way where I just won't care about a potential backlash. But hell, that's the point of doing whatever I want. The first step in doing so is SIMPLY NOT CARING. That's my problem, and I admit that. But the moment I figure it out and just march to the beat of my own drum, I'll probably (hopefully) be much happier.
First things first: start being a bit selfish instead of being ashamed of the thought of being selfish.