Yes, I'm alive. Just had writers block, and nothing really popped up the past few weeks that would make for a good topic. Until now.

Remember that previous post I had a while ago where the topic was something along the lines of "people need to let things go"? Well, tonight I have a perfect example. A rumor was going around about me months (again, months) ago, and for whatever stupid reason, the person who started it put on a huge act throughout the duration of it. Ironically, the girl loves acting. So for a long while, people actually believed her and started to question my character and wonder if everything they knew about me was a lie. After awhile, people got to their senses and realized it was simply a rumor. 

Why do I bring this up? You guessed it; that person is back. 

I don't get people. Sure, I can slightly understand vendettas and everything. But what if the vendetta is false? Just a random excuse to make someone's life hell? It all goes to one thing that I think to myself when someone mentions her: "GET OVER IT!!" Hell, I've been over it for a while. But if you're going to want to open old wounds, don't expect me to take it lightly.

This is why I don't like people. Or just girls. Nope, it's definitely just people in general.


Pardon my indulgence.  
 

First off, allow me to point this out: it's about damn time I update this!! I know, peeps, it's been awhile. But I'm working on something special for you guys, so stay tuned..

And with that out the way, on to today's topic.

So today I was at the park just shooting some free throws, despite the heat, since it's been awhile. A few people I know also went to the park after awhile, so naturally we played a few games. But it's what was talked about after that is significant to me.

Without dropping names or saying everything that was said, I'll sum it up by saying it ended with talking about what we'd do around girls (vintage teenage boy conversation, I know). Whether or not we'd be talkative, joking around, slightly shy, or just straight up mute. Me? I've been all of them. More so the mute part, though. Most people are when you are initially around their crush, whether you're a guy or girl. More often than not, it's followed by remarks of, "Quit being a punk!"

Sure, it could be fear of screwing up. Yet, it's got to be somewhat understandable, right?

Picture it like this: you're in position to get a job. Not just a job, though. You're dream job, a job you would love to have. There you are, right before the interview, and you are as frozen as ice. Why? Infatuation leads to fear. When you love something so much, you become almost paranoid (in my opinion) that you'll screw up and watch it go away. Quite frankly, you want everything to occur as if it it's in a perfect scenario. Everything, I tell you.

Oh, and something else: you couldn't look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be nervous at all if your dream celebrity mate stared you right in the face. I dare you to, and honestly mean what you say.

Long story short, being crazy nervous (you know, stammering or even going mute) when around someone that you like A LOT is more understandable than people think. Like I said, infatuation leads to fear. That's not a bad thing, as long as you know how to keep it in check and not let it 100% consume you.

Pardon my indulgence.

 
They are some of my closest friends, and they mean a hell of a lot.

Through thick and thin, my friends always know how to have my back. Not just any friends, though. My true friends. Those who don't bail at the first sign of danger. Those who don't abandon ship when my confidence sinks. Those who aren't two-faced. Most importantly, those who stand with me and don't mind who I am. I can't tell you enough how much these people mean to me.

There was a situation that happened in the past few weeks. What that situation was, I won't disclose. I will, however, tell you how I felt during that duration: absolutely torn. Honestly, that was one moment where I was INCREDIBLY down on myself. But when you have a phenomenal inner circle that I'm fortunate enough to have, it makes things a bit easier. Grant it, they have to put up with me always pinning the blame on myself when I really shouldn't, but they stick around. 

Over the years, I've had "friends" that have gotten pretty close to becoming people I would essentially trust my life with. Boy, am I glad I realized who they really are! Let's be honest: why would ANYONE want a friend in their inner circle that talks crap behind your back and wants to start unneeded drama? Exactly. The fact of the matter is that, because of that very incident, I've never been so happy to have the group of close friends that I have. They mean a lot to me, and hopefully I'm held to the same regard to them.

La familia, clique, clan, friends, whatever one may call them. I refer to my best friends as a team. And I tell ya, I love my team.
 
How was everyone's July 4th? Hopefully no one got burned or did anything too stupid!

I don't know about you, but I love this time month: the 4th of July weekend. Not only is it awesome to sit around and stuff your face with food (and let me tell you, there's no food like the food on my Mom's side of the family on the 4th of the July), but then there's fireworks. Pretty rad, right? But really, it was cool this year more than anything because I got to see some family that I haven't seen in years. Now, grant it, I had absolutely NO IDEA who these people were at first, but then it finally dawned on me and that's when it became pretty cool.

Oh, and I'll be going to a lakehouse this weekend. A FRIGGIN' LAKEHOUSE!!

Going to the lakehouse not only gives me an opportunity to be around family and to hang out with my cousins, but it also offers something a lot more appealing: an escape. An escape from nonsense. An escape from annoyance (at least I think that's the case) and ignorance. An escape from this town...'nuff said. No offense to some you, but I need at least a day away from Elgin. 

There will probably still be some nagging, but hey, you take the good with the bad. Now, if only I could find a way to get Ariana Grande and/or Jennete McCurdy to go to the same place....

Happy 4th of July weekend, everybody!!

Pardon my indulgence.
 
Here's another one of those "deep thought posts."

After yesterday's events, I was back into my deep thought mode that could probably rival a philosopher's. Between thinking and listening to music, my eyes started to open just a bit. They opened to something that some of my closest friends, and I think even family, have been trying to get me to see for quite some time. Something that I'll easily admit is hard for me to change based on the person I am, and I really don't know if it's a bad thing or not.

I fail to be selfish, and worry too much about others.

Now, all my friends know that I'd do whatever to help them, and I guess that's why some people claim I'm a "nice guy." But maybe, just maybe, I'm playing the helpful hand card too much. Maybe I'm too nice. Maybe I'm too willing help others when I should be helping myself. Maybe I'm too involved in how others might perceive me. Maybe...just maybe...I'm too selfless instead of being selfish

I mean, I guess that's not too bad. Is it? Okay, maybe it is..

The fact of the matter is this: I should probably spend more time on focusing on what makes me happy. The problem is I don't know how to do that in a way where I just won't care about a potential backlash. But hell, that's the point of doing whatever I want. The first step in doing so is SIMPLY NOT CARING. That's my problem, and I admit that. But the moment I figure it out and just march to the beat of my own drum, I'll probably (hopefully) be much happier. 

First things first: start being a bit selfish instead of being ashamed of the thought of being selfish.


 
Whether you're white, black, Asian, Hispanic, straight, Gay, purple, blue, WHATEVER.....if you live in this country legally, you are included when someone mentions the phrase "We the People." But honestly, do "we" really know who the "people" are?

Let me keep it real by stating the following: there are A LOT of ignorant people in this country, and in this world. Hell, you might be one of them! Oh, and by the way, if your reading this and you already don't like where I'm going with it, hit the giant "X" in the top right of your screen. Simple as that. With that said, time for me get to my point.

Lets start with Blacks, shall we? I don't need to tell you what we (and yes, I'm going to say "we" whenever I mention the community I'm a part of) have gone through in this country, and the hardships we faced then and still face now. And if you think that there isn't any form of racism in this country still, then you must really be looking through life with rose-colored glasses (though, I credit your optimism). For example, I've gone through so much regarding my skin color this year, it's a damn miracle I didn't completely break. But that's what "they" want, and by "they" I mean the ignorant, racist bastards of the world who like to say "If it ain't white, it ain't right." Those people want blacks to snap off, just so they can point the finger and say, "He/She is just a loose cannon ghetto [insert word here]." 

Let me sum that point up with this: whether you like it or not, the Black community is making progress in this world. Get with the program, and deal with it.

Now on to the biggest topic: gay rights. Again, everyone in this country knows what gays have gone though and what they still go through. Between name calling and just not being accepted for who they are, gays go through a lot. Why? Just like us, the general population who aren't gay, gays are also PEOPLE. You know, PEOPLE?? That word that some like to exclude others from? 

While I'm on that topic, let me just say this: despite what people say and think, I'm true and honest believer in gay rights. Yes, I'm guilty of dishing a few gay slurs here and there, but that was me being stupid and ignorant. We all have times where we might say something ignorant, but still. Homosexuals should NOT be denied their rights. You are who you are, and you love who you love. Who am I, who are we, to judge if someone wants to love someone of the same sex? 

Now, everyone has their reasons as to why they are anti-gay. If it's part of your religion, then you have the most legitimate reason, in my opinion, to disagree on gay rights. I can't judge you on that one, because it's who you are. Then there are those, however, who are so empty-minded and so ignorant towards the issue. There's a phrase that goes, "People fear what they don't understand." Sometimes fear turns to hatred, and if that's what is happening to those who vehemently hate gays (and it's not heavily focused on in your religion), then shame on YOU. 


Remember that phrase "We the People"? Well, you may hate it, but facts are facts: homosexuals, bisexuals, and others as well are included, and SHOULD BE INCLUDED, in that phrase. You may not believe it, nor want to believe it, but I have news for you. For everyone that doesn't support gays, there are a hell of a lot of people who do. 


For a country that holds people who are hardcore believers in the phrase "We the People", I have this question: do they really know who the "people" are?

Pardon my indulgence.